Welcome to the Ambitious Chick Podcast, Kylene Would you please take a moment and introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about what it is that you do.

Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me today. I really appreciate it. So my name is  Kylene Terhune, and I work as a betrayal recovery coach. So what that means is I typically work as a coach for women who have fairly recently, usually discovered that their husband is a sex or pornography addict.

And so they're navigating the shock and trauma that comes from your reality, being the rug being pulled out from under you. So I work with them. A big scope in terms of we're helping navigate emotions, we're supporting them with communication, with setting boundaries, helping them navigate the reconciliation process if that's on the table, if recovery is being had with their partner.

So all of those sorts of things. So it's really rewarding and I really enjoy it, but it's also it's a deeply emotional space for sure.

Yes, absolutely.

Do you wanna share your story and tell us a little [00:01:00] bit about how you chose this niche?

Yeah. I think it chose me actually. I used to be a functional medicine health coach and so, I've had a lot of iterations throughout my entrepreneurial career doing a lot of different things, but that's the one that I really landed on.

For the longest period of time. I absolutely loved it. I was helping women that had a lot of digestive symptoms, anxiety, fatigue, just really wanting a little bit more of a holistic nutrition supplemental supportive approach. Not necessarily always in replacement of medicine.

I kinda wanna make that clear. But sometimes people would be able to downgrade on the level of medicines that they were taking and, things like that. And so I loved working with people in that kind of holistic whole body approach. AndI did that for several years, probably about, gosh, I'm gonna say six years or something.

And I really enjoyed that process. And then I went through my own betrayal experience and I really wanted to transition that support to all the other women that would experience [00:02:00] things that I was feeling at the time. And as I was going through my discovery with my husband and learning about that whole world, it took a really big toll on my physical body.

So I knew that the physical. Health support component would be helpful, but I also knew that it wouldn't be complete and so I, I continued working on my own healing and my own recovery. And then as I did that, I continued to get more certifications and one of them in particular kind of opened up the world of me being able to help women with the emotional processing, which is so, so, so important when you are going through something that really tears apart the fabric of your reality.

You feel so destabilized and you're just really trying to figure out what direction is up right now and what is my relationship and what is my life. The emotional processing piece is pretty important. So when I was going through the training, I had to. Do and experience all these exercises, right?

And I already been through like a year and a half of therapy and EMDR and these sorts of things. And then [00:03:00] when I went through this certification and subconscious reprogramming training, I had to experience this and it, it brought such deep healing and such progress in my own recovery. And I was like, man, this is what it, this is that piece.

That I need to be able to bring to others, navigating a similar journey. And so that's the short version of a little bit of a complex transition. But that's how I moved from one to the other.

Yeah. You mentioned, what was it? EMTR? What is that? Can you

explain

that?

Yeah. EMDR is in the therapeutic world.

They have some different modalities. You'll hear things like brain spotting or E-M-D-R-E-M-D-R. I'm gonna try to remember what it stands for. Emotional or no, sorry. It's. Eye desensitization, I wanna say, I always forget the R is. Eye movement desensitization. I can't even say that word. Okay. Anyways, basically what it is it connects both sides of your brain.

So sometimes you're holding paddles in your hand and sometimes you're tapping opposite sides of your body. Sometimes your eyes are looking at a light that's [00:04:00] going left and right, but all these different things, what they're doing is they're connecting both sides of your body. And the reason that they use this in.

Emotional processing and trauma recovery is because we have the conscious and the subconscious, our emotions, our memories, and our feelings are stored in the subconscious. And when we have traumatic experiences, the processing of these moments and these memories get. Stuck. It's like an incomplete process sometimes because it goes a little bit more into survival mode than let me efficiently process this memory for you.

And so a lot of times we'll end up with a lot of triggers, a lot of confusion, a lot ofescalated emotions. And so processes that have to do with the subconscious or. Tapping into the part of the brain where these things are stored or maybe mixed up a little bit. They help us organize them better and they help the nervous system realign and feel better after you experience these types of exercises.

So that's one modality. There's a, there's several, like I mentioned, brain spotting. [00:05:00] The subconscious exercises and emotional processing that I do is even a little bit different, but all of them sort of work in a general capacity in similar ways.

Interesting. That's very interesting. So can we talk a little bit about how trauma and healing impacts our lives and even our businesses?

Yes. So if I had to just do like a big zoom out in the world and think about how trauma impacts people, I would say everyone probably has something. Right. And a lot of times what we can do is we can look at other people and go, well, they have it worse than me. Right? And we'll gaslight ourselves into thinking this thing that I experienced isn't that bad.

And people do that quite a lot 'cause there are a lot of terrible things that happen in the world and sometimes people will hear the word trauma even and go, that has to do with something like sexual abuse or that. To do with the military or PTSD and that's not necessarily true.

Trauma is just something that we experience [00:06:00] in life that is more than what our nervous system can handle at the moment. And so it actually has more to do with how the person perceives the event than the actual experience itself, which is why people can have similar experiences and respond to them so differently.

So when we look at, how does trauma impact people? If something has been a traumatic experience in your life, it can show up in a variety of different ways, from nervous system to strangulation, to anxiety, to depression, to feelings of overwhelm. But it can also, it really has this tendency to create these beliefs about who we are as human beings that are very limiting in nature.

So a lot of times when we have negative experiences perpetuated upon us. From the outside or from someone else. We can interpret those as meaning something bad about who we are. So a lot of people that experience traumatic moments in their life, especially if they're relational, they'll [00:07:00] experience a lot of guilt or they're experience a lot of shame or a lot of fear.

And sometimes those are internalized as there's something wrong with me. Right? And a lot of that can happen. When we have different experiences before the age of 12, because then we're processing these moments with a kid's brain. And a kid's brain doesn't have all the information, right? So it does a lot in terms of trying to protect us.

And it's, they do a brilliant job. But when that continues into adulthood, we can take something like people pleasing. As an example, I had to manage the emotions of my family members or my parents in order to survive. Our household and dynamics and then now, in adulthood, well, I am saying yes when I really need to say no.

I'm unable to set boundaries in my life, and now that's translating into every single relationship that I have, including my work, right? So, we can become very drained from these beliefs when we're not able to address them in adulthood. [00:08:00]

Yeah. Awesome. Yeah, that makes so much sense. So when you decided to go down this path and to, pivot into this type of business, how did you get started?

Do you remember how you got your first client?

Oh gosh, that's such a good question. I think I do, let me think about it for a second. So I. Have probably since 2015. Like I said, all of my little iterations of different businesses that I've had generally I communicate them through social media.

Okay, so when I was doing the functional medicine work, I did a lot of social media posting and sharing about gut health and sharing about, anxiety and all these different things. What I did while I was navigating my own personal experience, but before I opened up the coaching, like I had to get myself stable first, right?

So right in that transitionary period, I started shifting my messaging into more about. The nervous system more about mental and emotional health those sorts [00:09:00] of things, maybe even still connected more to the body. As opposed to, betrayal trauma as a specific niche. And so I started shifting my message over the course of a year and a half, just like bringing in the education around stress and the body and all these sorts of things.

And then what I did is I decided to share my personal story very publicly. And so I created a three minute. Or so video that briefly shared my personal story with my husband and also saying, Hey the reason I'm sharing this is 'cause I wanna start helping people. And so I had this big dramatic announcement Yeah.

That just let the world know this is what's going on and this is where I'm moving and I think I may have gotten my first one or two clients. There's a potential that even happened before I shared that. Story publicly if it was before, it probably wasn't a whole lot of time before, but you know what's interesting about going through something like this, I think people pick up on some of the [00:10:00] messaging or that kind of resonated.

So I had someone message me at one point and are, do you help da, or do you work with, something like that. And so we started a conversation and.

Awesome. So when you shared your story, when you put that out there publicly how was that received? I can't imagine how fearful you were when you were Yeah.

Choosing to do

that.

Well, I did a lot of emotional processing and preparatory work before I released it. So I had one of, one of my mentors was helping me anticipate what are the things that people could say that would really hurt your feelings about this. Yeah. And we worked through all of those.

Little area so that when I did it, I was prepared for the backlash. Yeah. Which I absolutely did get, but I also felt like, you know, I'm kind of on a mission. There's the purpose for this, and me and my husband are cool with it. We wanna help people. And we really did it because when we were going through the thick of it, like we wanted to see that people could make it to the other side.

And also that, that when they did, they were happy and healthy. Not that they were [00:11:00] like. Totally miserable, you know? right. And so, and I mean for very, very, very obvious reasons a lot of people that are successful like don't talk about it, right. They just move on with their lives, which I absolutely respect and totally understand.

But because of that, there is not a lot of public messaging around it. So I did feel very convicted and very purposeful in doing it. So I think that helped for sure with the reception, which was. You're both, you're very brave on one hand. And also, why are you talking about this publicly? That's ridiculous.

Right? So there was a, and then of course when you put things on social media, you also get the extreme negativity from trolls and from people you don't even know. So great. I think there were, even in my circle, there were just people that just didn't understand why I would do it, you know? because it is a very, um. And, and I think some people think of it as a very personal thing and in, in many ways it is. But I think part of the recovery process is seeing like how horrible secrets are and how much damage they do in the world, and how [00:12:00] much damage they do in family systems and how much damage they do to the individual.

And so we were just trying to go against that grain a little bit.

Yeah I think there's just this, for lack of a better word, it's like it, things along this line are just so taboo, right? Yeah. That people, their internal shame, they put it on you when you share your story, unfortunately.

Yeah, that's exactly it. That's a really good way to put it. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm sorry that that happened to you and i, I do think that you're incredibly brave not only for sharing your story, but for working through this with your husband. I think that, you know, you didn't choose the easiest path. The easiest path is just goodbye, right?

you chose this hard path, and you are sharing your struggles in order to help other people, and I think that's extremely respectful. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

So when you are working with your clients are you doing this one-on-one or do you have groups or, 'cause I can imagine that being in a group, sharing this kind of thing could potentially, [00:13:00] be additional challenges.

So.

Yeah, so you, my, my personal work is one-on-one. Okay. So that there, there's a little bit of a step-by-step process that you, you're able to navigate people through. But even within that, it is so personalized to. What their partner's behavior was. For example, what are the emotional triggers that are coming up from you?

How is your partner responding to all this coming out? Are they willingly going into deep recovery and getting into sobriety or are they not? Are they gaslighting? Are they blaming you or are they saying, yes, I'm taking full responsibility? So there's so many things that are different about the experience for each person, that it is a very one-on-one thing.

I know a lot of coaches or counselors or therapists will also lead like therapist led. Support groups uhhuh, and that can be really amazing too. Really helpful. My personal work is usually one-on-one.

Okay. Very good. Yeah, that makes sense. Do you feel like, [00:14:00] do you wanna share like what your transition, what you've seen in your marriage where things were before you found out and what that looks like now?

Yeah.

Yeah I'll try to keep that as succinct as possible. 'cause that is a long story. I'm trying to summarize that man. So, because it's been four and a half years and there's just so much within that period of time. Yeah. So when I discovered everything. It was early 2021. It was the end of January, 2021.

And in my mind, in our relationship, everything was, and in his as well, he would say this as well. There was nothing wrong in our relationship. We weren't people that were like constantly disagreeing or fighting or on the brink of divorce or anything. Like in my mind, like we were gonna be married almost nine years.

And I thought everything was perfect. He was literally my prince charming. I had him up on this pedestal. Life was great. I was very happy in my relationship. So for me, the discovery was. Very high to a very low, and it was like overnight. And so [00:15:00] that was very shocking for me. So recovery for us like I said, everybody's a little different.

For me it was, it felt excruciatingly slow. My husband got into re got into sobriety very quickly. He was very committed to the healing process. He took responsibility immediately and was, and what I found out through the process was how. Much, it was destroying him how much he wanted to stop. But he tried on his own many times.

And then he needed the accountability. He needed it to be out in the open. He needed me to basically say, if you relapse, we're getting a divorce. So, he was able to get into therapy, get into group like immediately, and took it very seriously. And then right away he was compassionate to my my response and gave me a lot of space to, create the boundaries that I needed to have, the space and the recovery journey that I needed. And so for me, it felt very slow. In a lot of ways it was, and then in other ways you're like, I can't believe we're here after four and a half years. That's crazy. But for me I [00:16:00] never liked to sugarcoat it for anybody because I did experience extreme anxiety.

I had several panic attacks. I experienced extreme depression where it was hard for me to get out of bed. My, my mood and my mental health took an extreme hit. My physical health took an extreme hit, so it was very hard for me for a long time. But what I was seeing was the trajectory of progression in terms of safety being provided immediately, stability being provided immediately.

My husband getting into sobriety, and I really liked him as a human being. I really liked him as a friend. I was like, you are a wonderful person. If this is resolved, then I think that this can work. And so that's what I was waiting to see, and he was able to resolve some of the big stuff really quickly.

But it was the relational healing that took a really long time for me to be able to trust again, for me to be able to heal my nervous system, for me to be able to relax. And so that was an [00:17:00] excruciatingly slow step by step. Careful process that we did as I was ready to do it. And so now now it's kinda like we live a normal life.

It's great. I just feel like a regular person, except that I talk about this all the time 'cause I have my own podcast and I coach about it, and so, that, that part's a little bit different now, but, in terms of how we relate, it's not, that thing anymore.

It's not really all about betrayal and addiction. It's about, what do we wanna do and where do we go on vacation and, hanging out. And so it's back to, I think, normal, but I would say with a much deeper level of understanding each other because of the level of communication that we've had to have, the level of trust that's had to be carefully built the level of intentionality that has come from it.

Wow, that's awesome. So when you are working with your clients, are you seeing that same kind of transformation with them in their lives?

Yes. So I would say this is what I've observed. We [00:18:00] working with a lot of people over the past couple years, hearing a lot of stories. And also my husband works with, men in recovery groups as well. Okay. If I, if you have two people that are willing to do the work and to do the hard thing and to move forward even when it's hard and through the hard, but they're both committed, the transformation is typically like that. That would be very rare that people split up in those cases.

The percentage of people that would separate when. The addict takes responsibility and gets into recovery quickly and is able to empathize with the partner and sit in their pain and really help that partner heal. Those people generally make it and they generally will talk, you'll see this different level of connection and like this.

You have to do so much internal healing work to get to that place that if you get to it, it's a good place. If that makes sense. But what we will also see is if the partner who has [00:19:00] engaged in the infidelity or the betrayal when they are not willing to take full responsibility or they're not truly deeply interested in doing whatever it takes.

Maybe they've gotten into sobriety, but emotionally they just cannot, sit with the pain that they have caused their partner. When those kind of things are disjunct it's very difficult because the a, I'm gonna say addict, but the addict's ability to recover and get into deep emotional recovery plays a significant role in the ability for the relationship to succeed.

And so you'll see very much, it's like when two people are committed. Oh, that's so exciting. But when they're not, it's just a perpetuation of more pain.

Yeah. That makes so much sense. That, that really makes a lot of sense to me. So, getting back to, your work, what is your favorite part of what you do?

I think if I had to on the spot, think about my favorite thing. I love seeing [00:20:00] women come into their voice. A large part of what we do is really working on helping the individuals be able to really step back into who they are as a human being. So these, okay, so these external things are happening and it's really scary.

Through that process. We have to be able to set boundaries through this process. We have to be able to communicate. And so it's really healing is so much about coming back into that place where you do have that self-trust. 'Cause a lot of times someone will say, well, I can't trust my intuition.

How did this happen? I didn't see it coming. And so there's this even lack of self-trust there. Yeah. So I think it's really cool when you start to see people literally practice. I'm gonna practice using my voice. I'm gonna practice setting this boundary. I'm gonna practice communi, I'm gonna do these things.

That is stepping back into my authenticity and who I am. Because when we think about boundaries, it's really an invitation. I'm gonna live in this healthy place and I'm in inviting you into it, and I [00:21:00] hope you come with me. I want you to come here. And that's what they're asking their husbands to do, right?

Yeah. But then we set the boundary and the expectation and then we watch and see do they wanna participate in that? So. I think one of my favorite things is really seeing the progression that women will have in their confidence in speaking their mind and what they need to move forward to actually achieve health in the relationship.

That's pretty cool.

Yeah, I feel like a lot of times we don't know what we need. Mm-hmm. And so I would think that in that instance, that just even getting there yourself would be difficult. So.

Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of times where what I'm telling my clients over and over is, your feelings around this are normal.

Yeah. And so it's just validating that the experience they're having or their reaction to something. One thing I'll see a lot too is. Whether it's family of origin, whether it's a particular background that, or a cultural thing that they've experienced or whatever it is. Sometimes women will have this association [00:22:00] that, like anger is a bad thing.

Because they've only seen it expressed in toxic ways. Yeah. And so it's even really learning and it's what is health? It's really coming back into what is actually healthy. And there is every emotion is healthy in its core. It's just how we express it. Right. And so. If your boundary is overstepped, it's a very natural thing to be upset about that and to communicate that in an honest way.

Now, we're not gonna go punching walls. We're not, there's a limit to that. Right? Right. But the emotion itself can be valid. And so people coming in and learning. What's normal? What am I allowed to feel? What am I allowed to express? What am I allowed to ask my partner to do to create health in the relationship so that we can actually, 'cause in my mind I'm like, if we're gonna do this, if we're gonna go through this pain, we wanna create something that's beautiful, not something that's survivable.

Right, right. Exactly. Yeah, that makes so much sense. Is there anything that you wish that you knew before you started this business

from a business [00:23:00] perspective? It's, that's an interesting question 'cause I had done a lot of coaching and a lot of online work and a lot of one-to-one work, but I don't know if I could say one thing.

May, maybe just

Take yourself out of it more. From the beginning. 'cause I think going from something that was so physically based to so mentally and emotionally based as a coach, I've really grown a lot. It's forced me to grow a lot. So that I can really sit and listen more. Really sit and hear what somebody is going through and what they need more.

And so I think that listening component I think my, I think through, I mean through the recovery journey myself, working through this with my husband and coaching it's really helped me become a better listener. So yeah, I think that's a good coaching tip no matter who you are. Yeah, because any client is gonna need, you're gonna need to listen to what they [00:24:00] need.

Right. Yes, absolutely. So what is one thing that having the business has changed for you that you didn't expect? Literally everything.

Well, it's just, it's, I never expected any of it, honestly. It was like, I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna help people, I'm gonna talk about it. I'm gonna work through all the opinions that people have, which, like we talked about earlier, they had a lot.

Right. But it's really been such an encouragement in so many ways. So I think to answer your question I'll share this really short story. I was sitting at church one time and there was a woman sitting next to me and she just simply asked me what I do. And so I said, I work as a betrayal recovery coach for wives.

Recovering sex and porn X and she has become one of my closest friends. And what she tells me is, I could not believe that you just said that out loud. And I was like, wow, I wanna be her friend. So it's, I think what's been really interesting is yes, you get the [00:25:00] pushback. Yes. You get the, why are you sharing such embarrassing things?

Why are you talking about something so personal? Why this, why that, why this? But what matters to me is all the people that go. Wow. Thank you for sharing your story. I'm experiencing that your podcast has helped me. Your videos have helped me knowing that. Recovery is possible. Understanding the steps to recovery, understanding the steps to reconciliation, seeing that someone has made it, seeing someone that's willing to talk about it and isn't embarrassed, doesn't carry shame around.

It isn't, worried about saying something so publicly like that has helped me. And these are. Like that can be people that I coach, but a lot of times it's just, listening to your podcast has helped me, or this video or whatever. So just the ability to say things out loud that is real life stuff that people are going through is helping people.

So I think that's been. That's been really encouraging and positive. I think

Absolutely. I would think that the work that you're doing is removing some of that shame, right? I hope so. So impactful. Yeah. That's fantastic. [00:26:00] So I was going to ask you how are you finding your clients? how are you attracting people that are aligned and people that are struggling with this?

Social media and my podcast. So a lot of what started it for me was TikTok. Actually, a lot of my clients found me on TikTok. Yeah. So when I shared my video, my three minute video sharing my story really briefly, it absolutely went viral on TikTok. Wow. And my husband and I kind of joke because, in the group that he has participated in for a long time.

One of the things that they say is at least four men should know your story, or something like that. And he was joking when we came out with this video because he is well, it's like 400,000 people now. And then like by the end of the day, it was like. 500,000 and I don't know, it might be close to 2 million now.

It's like a lot of people. And it happened really fast. It hit like a million, like really fast. I don't think I've ever had another video hit a million views when I was like, [00:27:00] Hey, this is what I found out my, about my husband. People thought that was interesting. So, that video started it.

And then what I did was start educating around the concept. This is what's happening in homes. This is what's happening in churches, this is what's happening in families. Started educating around addiction, started educating around the trauma started educating around this is how people heal from this.

This is a healthy mindset, those sorts of things. And so people just really resonated with that. So some people would find me on TikTok and say, oh, your story sounded exactly like mine. And that helps me, feel connected to you. And then, as podcasts being a little bit more of a long form.

People can really hear your thoughts on things and really feel like you're in the living room with them and that they know you like as a friend. So I think that's been nice too. 'cause then people can feel connected before they come in.

Yes, absolutely. So what advice would you give to someone who is in your shoes and is struggling with those things?

Can you offer some tips?

So the first thing I would say is that nothing that has happened is [00:28:00] your fault. There's a difference between marriage issues and addiction issues. So one of the things that we need to know immediately is you did not do anything and you, you couldn't have done anything more or less

To make this happen or to make it not happen. It's not your responsibility. Yeah. But the responsibility for our own personal healing is ours. And so I would encourage someone to find a coach, a therapist, a practitioner that specializes in this specifically. It is very different, tends to be very different.

There's a different level of awareness. With people that either have experienced it or have been trained in it than if you go to sort of a general counselor. Not that that's, you know, it, do what you need to do either way so that you can have some help. But if possible, finding someone that's really specialized and it can be very helpful.

 Because I think it just helps you feel more grounded and more safe and not crazy. And I think. Gaining the education around this is surprising, but also very validating when you're actually living through it. And that can help you take one step in [00:29:00] front of the other every day.

That was awesome.

Thank you. Yes. Great advice. What advice would you give to someone who is thinking about starting a business? Maybe they are, they're feeling, like they're called for something more, but they're not sure what their more is. Do you have any tips or advice from that perspective?

I think one of the things that really helped me was.

Doing that processing work of like when, when I figured out what I wanted to do, I had to think through what would hurt me through that process. What would I take personally, right. And what would hurt my feelings and being able to work through those with somebody so that I was able to come in with more confidence and more alignment.

That was really helpful. And then I think, if anyone's gonna use social media, I think one of the kind of annoying things about it in a way is like. Be, be as consistent as you can, sharing things that are applicable and like actionable and educational things that are really gonna [00:30:00] resonate with people consistently.

I think I posted, I'm gonna, I'm gonna say it probably wasn't every day, but like almost every day. It was a lot for like maybe the first year and a half. And then I slowed down tremendously. But because I have that vault essentially that keep getting views and it has that story out there, I think that's continued to, help people.

So get the message out there that you want, know what is maybe going to slow you down and then that way you can address those issues as well.

Yeah. Awesome. Did you have any limiting beliefs or fears that came up that you really struggled with as you transitioned into this? The space where you're at now?

Yes. I think you know it, it will occasionally still come up. So not being a therapist, but being a coach every, there's a lot of like imposter syndrome and I know people view those things differently, but it's really interesting that I did the functional medicine stuff first, because that kind of comes in as well, right?

You're functional medicine coach, not a doctor. Right. And so [00:31:00] I had a lot of. The similar feelings and fears as I navigated that. But then when I started working with people and seeing so many results and really getting the successes and the transitions under my belt, I was like, I don't need to worry about that anymore.

I felt more and more confident in my own abilities. And so the same thing happened when I did this. So you're not a therapist, you're not a counselor, you're not licensed X, Y, Z. And I'm like, that's fine. But. And, And there's a, I loved, you know, my therapist and I work with you, there's a wonderful therapist.

And just like every single business, every single system, there's excellent ones and there's not so excellent ones. Yeah. And with coaches, there's great coaches and not so great coaches. Right. And so there ha there have been people that I've been able to help that have previously had therapists.

And so just working through some of those insecurities, really making sure you. I'm doing the best that I can in integrity trying to support people with education and [00:32:00] help them navigate next steps. And so when you know that kind of limiting belief comes up about your capabilities, it helps over time to develop the the beneficial, outcomes with your clients, and then you can look back and go, but I helped this person, right? And I helped this person. And so then that helps counteract that a little bit.

Yeah, and I respect therapists for their training and all the schooling and all the things that they've gone through, but you have literally walked through this trauma and recovered from it.

So I almost feel like I give that more credence or whatever the word would be like. I think that's a very unique experience versus someone who hasn't, and they just have, training from a school. So,

yeah, and there's therapists that have experienced it as well, and I, there's three therapists on the top of my head that are amazing and I love them, and I send people to them all the time.

So I think again, there's just like the, there's great ones and, unhelpful and same with coaching, right? And so I just, I try to be the best that I can and. Help as [00:33:00] many people as I can. And I do think people look for that personal experience because you're right, it is such a personal thing.

And so knowing that the person you're working with has gone through it, I think very much encourages them.

Yeah, absolutely. So what is your why?

Oh, the thing that just popped into my head is to make people feel less alone.

I love

that's, yeah, because I think when we were walking through it, we were really looking for that example.

And one of the reasons I decided to go public was because we just didn't see that many people willing to talk about it out loud. But when you learn the statistics, it's happening like a lot. So there's so many more people that are experiencing it than are talking about it. And so, you can feel very alone.

And women that go through this a lot of times feel like I can't. Tell everything to my family, or I can't tell everything to my friends, or I can't, and so for various reasons, sometimes maybe their family isn't as supportive or, whatever. And [00:34:00] so people can feel really alone navigating this.

So I think it's really good to put something out there that helps people feel very validated in the experience that they're living.

Absolutely. And I would think that. Personally, I think I would be afraid to tell family because I would be afraid that they would then hate my spouse. Do you know what I mean?

I think that there's a lot of fear tied to that too. Not just, not just the internal shame, but Oh my gosh, if we're gonna walk through this, I don't want everyone hating him, so,

or her. Yeah. That's definitely a common one that comes up. For sure. For sure.

Yeah. Interesting. So what is one thing that you hope to be remembered for?

Oh, making a difference. If, you sometimes think about that. Maybe this is morbid, because I think since I've been a child, I've like always been aware of life is finite. Right? And sometimes people think about that more or less. But I would love it if I wasn't here tomorrow, if there were people that said she made a difference in my [00:35:00] life and she helped me in some way.

I

love that. Do you have any tips or advice to help people who are facing trauma?

I think one of the biggest things we can do is ask for help. When we're going through something that's traumatic, it's very difficult to navigate by ourself. There are books, there are podcasts, but if it's at all possible to work with a professional you're going to.

Learn how to think about things. I think you're gonna learn the education around it too. I think for me, even just understanding how the body and how the brain work, why it's doing the things that it's doing. That awareness alone is helpful in recovery, but then you're going to be able to also learn, how do I set boundaries?

How do I create safety for myself? How do I communicate better? All these things that help you navigate healing maybe in a, I don't wanna say faster, because like I said earlier, like everybody's timeline is different, but maybe more [00:36:00] successfully sooner. If that makes sense. Yeah, we're gonna be able to take steps in the right direction.

More effectively, more quickly. And so if that's at all possible, I would encourage people to find someone that specializes in trauma recovery, for sure.

Awesome. Do you have any advice for women who are thinking about starting their own business?

Yes. Okay. So one of the biggest. Pieces of advice that I think was brilliant and a business coach said years and years ago was take massive imperfect action.

Yes. If you wait for something to be perfect, you will never do it. And it doesn't have to be perfect to be impactful or to be helpful. Like I have gone on and taught classes and the slides have typos in 'em, yes, should I proofread? Okay, but I do have ADD so sometimes those things slip through.

So I will say that, but it happens and nobody cares. You're on the webinar, you're on the class or [00:37:00] whatever, and you're teaching about something that's resonating with them. So what if a word is typed, inappropriate or not inappropriate type, something inappropriate, but type typed poorly. Like the words are mixed up.

But so it really does not have to be perfect. Show up. As authentically as you can show up every day with integrity, and that is going to have an impact.

Yeah, I think it's helpful to understand too. We don't like perfect people, so it's fine.

Yeah. Authenticity don't

be perfect.

Authenticity is always more attractive.

Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. So what's next for you?

Well, that's a good question right now let's see, we've been doing the podcast for about two years. So a lot of trying to grow that to con my husband, actually, that's the one thing that he does with me in the business. And so he's on there sharing his recovery story, and then we talk about both sides of it together.

So I really enjoy that. But for right now, I'm just continuing to grow my one-on-one coaching practice and I am loving doing that right now. There may be a day at some point where I transition again in my entrepreneurial [00:38:00] endeavors. But for now, I think, I'm I'm sitting with what we've built and resting in that to an extent day by day, just connecting with the individuals that I have in my practice right now.

I also do work part-time with another company that is under the umbrella of Betrayal, so I work part-time as a coach for them as well. So between all of that, it keeps me. As busy as I wanna be right now. So it's nice. And then I've gotten back into connecting to my own voice.

And so I've been singing and performing a little bit too, so that's healing and connecting to a creative part of myself. So that's really fun too.

I love that. What is the name of your podcast?

Recover U The letter U like university. So Recover U

Awesome. Awesome. And where can we connect with you?

Either on Instagram or TikTok. It's just my name at Kylene Terhune And I'm not sure when this podcast will be released, but if you're not listening to it later summer, early fall 2025, I will also have a website. Also my name,  KyleneTerhune.com. If you look that up right now though, it either won't come up or it'll be like a really old one.

So you'll have to wait If it looks like it's something about gut health or something. It's a really old one.

That's fine. And I can link to all of that in the show notes and that way it'll, we'll make it really easy for everyone. Perfect. Well, thank you so much for this time.

I appreciate you so much for sharing your story, Kylene

thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate the opportunity.